Hey Hi My Lovelies! My name is Tanya MacPherson and I upload posts every Friday at 7 pm. So if you like creative posts full of fact and fiction that will make you laugh, gasp and squeal don’t forget to subscribe. If you do not have a wordpress account of your own and you would like to subscribe, do not threat you can subscribe through your email address in the option below. And happy September to you! Can you believe that we are already in September? I sure can’t.
This post is something new. Despite being a fictional piece of writing there are some real emotions within. As with most fact based fiction I would like it to be noted that the emotions have been amplified and exaggerated while the events have been manipulated to make it a better read! Much of my work is rather out there rotating around things which are supernatural or cannot usually happen where as this piece may be a little more relatable. So if you have felt these emotions please feel free to leave a comment sharing your story – I would love for them to be a safe place where you can talk freely. At the same time I would like to make it clear that as this is such as sensitive topic I will be deleting and reporting any offensive comments – though i know you are all lovely and I don’t have to worry about that!
So hit the like button, settle back and read.
Dear … well you know who you are. Or at least your wondering, thinking “is this about me?” To that I have one response: if you think it could be about you, you know you have done something wrong and so yes this is about you.
I am human. I am not a punching bag or a diary or something you should have taken all of your pent up self hatred out on … yet you did. I am flawed. I am not a god nor an idol and though you may never have thought of me in these terms a part of you did expect me to be perfect. A part of you stood in the wings waiting for me to trip up ready to pounce and mock and jeer and criticize. Pecking away at who I am and what a stand for bit by bit until I felt as if I had been reduced to nothing.
But you needn’t worry as you aren’t alone. There will be others reading this with the same thoughts as you running through their head wondering if they were a bully. But you will all decide that you weren’t because you never hit me or kicked me or forced my head down a toilet. You will decide that it can’t be bullying because … well because of what ever excuse you have formed in your head to justify your damn right bitchy behavior.
But bullying isn’t just physical (and no, I am not talking about cyber bullying – though most of you were cowards and hid behind your computer screens) I am talking about the emotional torture I went through. The nights I spent sobbing in bed because of you, the mornings I dreaded leaving my house in case I ran into you, the afternoons I spent with my head down because I knew if I looked up you would be there with a dirty look and a snide comment making me feel no better than the dirt beneath your shoe. But you would justify it time and time again with empty words and self victimizing statements. So let me translate for you what you said and what you meant.
“I am aloud to speak my mind.” = “I think the right to freedom of speech gives me the right to make you feel like crap over you exercising your right to freedom of speech.”
“I am a minority” = “You cant stand up for yourself because I will claim that you are being discriminatory towards me.”
But once again the blame isn’t solely on your shoulders. It is also on the people who publicly supported you the people who defended you. Blame falls on the people who let you become such a horrific person. They didn’t stop you from making me feel like crap and in turn they made it worse. They seemed only to add to the delusions in your head that you were doing the right thing.
“She has things going on in her life…” (excuse)
“Well you did do something she didn’t like…” (excuse)
“She thought she was doing the right thing…” (excuse)
I wonder if you see the pattern yet. I wonder if, when the words you have said are written out in front of you, you realize how weak your excuses were. I wonder if you have accepted that you fanned the flames. When I came to you with hope in my soul, trusting that you could help. I wished you would be able to stop the hate, stop the attacks against me but rather you told me to do nothing, to ride it out. I had a slither of hope and you crushed it.
But then I think of all I have said and all I have done over the years. I think of what I have written here today and I am left to question if maybe I am blaming everyone else and not myself. I wonder if perhaps I am more responsible than anyone else for the way I have been treated. Ought I take a closer look to home. Should I look to my reflection and begin to ask why me? Why do I bring this all on?
Which leads me to question if anyone is innocent.
The bully who made you feel small…
The help who crushed your hope …
The onlookers who fanned the flames …
The bystanders who lived in ignorance …
The one who was too weak.
So that is your lot! I hope you enjoyed this post. If you did do not forget to click the like button and leave a comment below if you have anything to add. If you want more you can subscribe for weekly updates or if you cannot wait that long you can click here for a post like this one…
See you next week!